quote:
"You say you got tales of adventure?"
Pathwyn nodded.
"I do. You'll have to forgive that the tale is only half finished so far. With any luck it'll have a happy ending. You'll also have to forgive me for simplifying things and leaving out a few unpleasant details not for little ears. Please stop me if I begin on a topic you think is better skipped over," she said, mainly looking to the children's parents.
With that she took a deep breath and began.
"This story begins with a man named Eliphas who decided to move to Farnworth. He bought a big house in town so he'd have room for him and some of his workers to live. You see, Eliphas' business was shipping, and it takes a lot of different kinds of people to run a business like that. You need people to keep track of boats and people to load crates and people to buy and sell stuff to and from merchants. Most folks in Farnworth were happy to see Eliphas move in because there would be more boats at the docks and more things to do and more silver coins in town for everyone."
Pathwyn paused momentarily to quickly eat a stew-dipped piece of bread.
"But some people were not happy to see Eliphas. A bad man named Cannibal ran a gang of meanies and ruffians who took over the church and the inn and the stables and who-knows-where-else. They liked pushing the good people around and taking their stuff and their money. They were very mean. They didn't like Eliphas because they couldn't push him and his workers around. Cannibal started making a plan. A very bad plan."
"Do you know why the four of us came to Farnworth?" she asked the young girl who had been eying Hewney's daggers.
"It was because of magical knives. They were so magical that when the wizard made them for Eliphas the roof popped right off his tower and the wizard flew out too. BOOM!"
Pathwyn made an upwards exploding gesture with both hands and followed it up with another gesture of a wizard flying away from the explosion in a graceful arc with his legs kicking. He landed on the table and bounced twice.
"We had to go bring the magical knives to Eliphas ourselves because the wizard couldn't do it."
"The church of Atu loaned us some beautiful horses so we could get to Farnworth faster. Wasn't that kind of them? Well, the first thing we did when we got to Farnworth was find a nice stable for the horses. The stables were nice enough, but the man at the stables was big, rude, and drunk. He had chainmail and a sword and didn't look like he worked at a stable at all."
"He said 'It will cost you a bag of gold to use these stables.'" Pathwyn said in a deep, slightly slurred bad guy voice.
"That wasn't a fair price at all, so Hewney said 'We will give you four silver and not a Kipper more.'" This time she used her best Hewney voice.
"But this made the big chainmail guy mad. He said he would take any of our stuff he wanted and then he attacked us, partly because he was mean and partly because he was drunk. Even though he was bigger than any of us, there were four of us and just one of him. It wasn't nice or smart to fight us."
"Dak used his sword to fight the big drunk man," Pathwyn made a swashbuckling slash in the air with an invisible sword.
"Alvador fought him with magic blasts. *pew* *pew* *pew*" She illustrated this with a remarkably realistic magical hand gesture.
"Heweny used the magic knives." She wove both arms around in the air, each deftly controlling an invisible dagger.
"And I shot arrows at the big mean drunk." She mimed the firing of a bow much smaller than her own due to the confining space of the dinner table.
"While we were fighting, another man came from the inn across the street. He had a mace. He was even bigger than the drunk guy, and he smelled like a goat's BUTT."
She paused to let the kids laugh. Nothing is funnier to kids than the word butt.
Now it was time to try her best Dak impression. "Dak said 'This man attacked us, go get the sheriff.'"
"'Ain't no sheriff here,' said the man who smelled like goat butt, and he attacked us too!" She gave the stinky thug a low, stupid sounding voice, making sure not to sound the least bit rural.
"Now it was two against four and we won the fight. Fighting is dangerous. You can get hurt," she said looking to the kids. "Hewney and Dak were very brave, fighting close up with the bad men. They both got cut in the fight, but I healed them each with a magic curing spell."
"When the fighting was over the real stablemaster, Myrick, ran up and thanked us for beating up the two mean men who had been bullying him. They had kicked him out of his own stables! Now that he was back, Myrick took care of our horses. It was time to go give the magic knives to Eliphas."
Pathwyn ate some lamb and drank a little ale before continuing the story.
This message was last edited by the player at 15:37, Wed 14 Apr 2021.