Gaddamistan News.   Posted by Game Master.Group: 0
Game Master
 GM, 6 posts
Fri 17 Jan 2020
at 17:38
Gaddamistan News
Scientists using cloned human embryos for research are on the verge of a medical breakthrough.

“Well, if you have to be part of a lunatic fringe group to object to this barbaric practice, I’m a lunatic,” says placard-waving protestor Randy Cesternino. “Of course it would be nice to cure these unnamed diseases, but at what cost? They’re messing with the sanctity of human life. It’s wrong, and the lab should be shut down immediately.”




It’s time for the government to allocate spending for the coming year, and as always, special interest groups are keen to have their say.

“We won’t have a future unless we improve police numbers and rebuild the military,” says General Jiang Jones. “Oh, it’s all well and good to have your fancy education and your nice cars, until some tinpot dictatorship decides to invade. And don’t pretend like there aren’t any of them in our region. Our number one priority has to be security.”




A group of scientists have come to your office hoping for grants to explore the deep blue sea.

“Oh sure, let’s spend millions of zubies to find out what’s in the ocean. Oh wait, I can already tell you: it’s just WATER,” your budget advisor remarks sarcastically. “There is no point in spending tax money to know what kind of dirt is on the ocean floor. The government should scrap all research projects designed without real economic benefit. The last thing Gaddamistan needs is yet another harebrained scheme to study the mating habits of dolphins or something comparably ridiculous.”
Game Master
 GM, 13 posts
Tue 2 Jun 2020
at 03:51
Gaddamistan News
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Deacon Darkhold & Melvin Otto vs. Zombie Boy & PsychoMike
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In a pre-show bout that had a decent reaction from the crowd but sub-par wrestling, Deacon Darkhold and Melvin Otto defeated Zombie Boy and PsychoMike in 12:48 when Deacon Darkhold pinned PsychoMike with a Reverse DDT.
[SIZE="1"]Vin's Note: I like PsychoMike. I really do. He's fearless and makes great fodder but his style just doesn't work with anyone. He and Zombie Boy had no chemistry as a tag team which means that PsychoMike can't tag with Stanley, Zombie, or Manny. I'm calling it now, he is not fit for the tags at all. Melvin and Deacon looked decent, even with Deacon underperforming a bit. Zombie Boy tried to take a crazy bump but thankfully Melvin and Deacon stopped him. That kid is nuts. Performance wise Deacon got an [COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR], Zombie and Melvin pulled [COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR]s and PsychoMike pulled an [COLOR="Red"]E-[/COLOR][/size]
Rating: [COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR]

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The Hot Taggs vs. The Night Terrors
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In a decent pre-show match, The Night Terrors defeated The Hot Taggs in 12:41 when Babau pinned Kalder Tagg with a Sleep Paralysis. In terms of in-ring work, Babau was head and shoulders above everyone else.
[SIZE="1"][I]Vin's Note: What am I doing? Why am I putting someone like Babau in dark matches. Granted this is the shorter show and we had a stacked card but I just don't know what to do with Babau. He could easily handle a main event push but that would mean splitting him up from his best friend Moroi and honestly without Babau, Moroi doesn't have much of a place in the company. Decisions, decisions. The crowd developed a new chant for Moroi, calling him Moron. That's just not nice. Babau pulled a strong [COLOR="Sienna"]D[/COLOR], Moroi pulled an [COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR] while Kalder nad Wolfie gave [COLOR="Red"]E-[/COLOR] performances. Not bad for rookies but need a lot of seasoning before they're reayd.
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Rating: [COLOR="Sienna"]D-[/COLOR]

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Barnaby & Rudge vs. Remmy Honeyman & Stanley Axis
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In a decent pre-show match, Barnaby & Rudge defeated Stanley Axis and Remmy Honeyman in 12:42 when Zach Rudge pinned Stanley Axis with a Double Super Kick.

[SIZE="1"]Vin's Note: Remmy and Stanley didn't make a terrible team. Not great but not terrible. Good for jobbing to teams with futures like Zach and Ash. Remmy is doing very well pulling a [COLOR="Sienna"]D-[/COLOR] while everyone else performed at a [COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR] level. And of course the crowd hated on poor Stanley. I don't even think they're watching him anymore, just that hating on him is "the thing" to do. Well if they don't like good solid wrestling then wait until they see the next pair.[/SIZE]
Rating: [COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR]

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Minnesota Awesome vs. Nigel Svensson & Jules Night
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In a poor pre-show match, Nigel Svensson and Jules Night defeated Minnesota Awesome in 12:51 when Nigel Svensson submitted Clark Smallbone with a Hyper Extension Arm Lock. Jules Night was the weak link, struggling to keep up with everyone else's in-ring performance.
[SIZE="1"]Vin's Note: Oh listen to the crowd boo. Submission holds? Chain wrestling? They hated every minute of it. Especially because not once did either side go out of the ring and grab a weapon. No chairs, no tables. No stunts off the top rope. Just old school wrestling and the fans hated it. Given that nobody knew what to expect Nigel had a very strong showing as a complete unknown with an [COLOR="Red"]E+[/COLOR], Clark and Perry getting [COLOR="red"]E[/COLOR]s and poor Jules, hated especially by the crowd, probably was lucky to have gotten an [COLOR="DarkRed"]F+[/COLOR]. The upside is that it turns out Nigel and Jules have excellent chemistry tagging together so I hope the fans are ready to see these two keeping things old school for quite some time! Seriously with how the fans have hated on Moroi for so long despite his talent I don't mind sticking it to them. I thrive on their boos and Nigel and Jules will generate some real heat when we finally get to focus on their storyline.[/SIZE]
Rating: [COLOR="Red"]E[/COLOR]



===============

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Moses: [COLOR="Navy"]"Hello Long Beach California. Welcome to your one true home for West Coast Hardcore action. We have a packed card tonight! Nonstop title matches tonight for our lucky fans. Joining me as always is Luther Judger..."[/COLOR]

Luther: [COLOR="Sienna"]"Another day another dollar Moses."[/COLOR]

Moses: [COLOR="Navy"]"...and Anslem Briggs."[/COLOR]

Anslem: [COLOR="DarkRed"]"Sup fools! How's everyone doing? Give me a shout out if you're excited to see some blood, guts, and glory tonight!"[/COLOR]

Moses: [COLOR="Navy"]"Let's see first up on the card is...wait. Did someone scribble all over your program sheet?"[/COLOR]

Luther: [COLOR="Sienna"]"Wait, we have program sheets?"[/COLOR]

Anslem: [COLOR="DarkRed"]"You're the one that's supposed to know what's happening. Mine gets quickly converted to rolling pappers if you know what I mean!"[/COLOR]Anslem: [COLOR="DarkRed"]"You're the one that's supposed to know what's happening. Mine gets quickly converted to rolling pappers if you know what I mean!"[/COLOR]

Moses: [COLOR="Navy"]"Uhhh..Anslem you probably shouldn't be saying..."[/COLOR]

Anslem: [COLOR="DarkRed"]"Man I don't give a f*** who knows. "[/COLOR]

Moses: “Fantastic. It seems our Californian title holder, Hugh de Aske, is requesting time in the ring.”

Music reminiscent of a certain blockbuster pirate movie pumps through the speakers as the dread pirate Hugh de Aske heads down to the ring. he has a microphone in one hand, a cutlass in the other and the gleaming silver title belt around his waist.

Hugh: “Can I get an ‘arrrrrrgh’?”

The crowd roars in a vaguely pirate-y way.

Hugh: “I SAID CAN I GET AN ARRRRGH!?”

The crowd shouts at their top of their lungs and Hugh staggers back a bit in mock surprise before a big grin spreads across his face from eye to eyepatch.

Hugh: “Now I say it once and I say it again. These here pieces o’ silver belong to me. Whoever be thinking they own them are mistaken. They’re just putting their mitts on my property without knowing it yet. I ain’t satisfied just being the California champion. I be gunning after EVERY title belt at the same time. I will claim the pieces o’ silver and sail off and bury my booty. Can I get one more “ARRRGH?”

This time a new voice joins the crowd. “Son of the Monster” James Diaz appears at the top of the ramp. He too has a microphone.

James: “Get one thing straight. You’re not a real pirate.”

Hugh looks confused while James rushes down to the ring and clobbers Hugh with a big clothesline. Hugh slides out of the ring, eyes on James as he retreats back up the ramp.

James: “YOU’RE NOT A F***ING PIRATE!”

James throws down the mic and stalks backstage after Hugh.

Hugh brags about future successes before being attacked by James Diaz
Rating: D+


======

Anslem: “I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again...”

This time both Moses and Luther join in.

Everyone: “White people are crazy.”

Moses: “Fantastic. Our first match will be between the powerful Canadian Hardcore against the current tag team champions the Deadly Outlaws. This will be the Outlaws first title match defense and they are heading into a doozy.”

Luther: “If you can call a combined height of 14 feet and 600 lbs ‘a doozy’ then sure. That expression works.”

Moses: “Oh, and what would you call it?”

Luther: “Man I’d call it walking into the path of a freight train wielding an umbrella.

Anslem: “Wait now. The Outlaw isn’t a small guy and Deadly Deadshot has proven himself against larger opponents before.”

Luther: “Care to make another wager? I’m still enjoying the spoils from the last one.”

Anslem: “You’re on. No way a seasoned pair like the Outlaw and Deadshot lose too...”

Moses: “Oh I forgot to mention. After Last Man Standing the Outlaw was nearly hospitalized by the beat down at the hands of Azathoth. He has NOT been medically cleared for this match but, according to his words...<ahem>”

Moses then proceeds in the worst southern accent anyone has ever heard.

Moses:  “Ah due dah-clare that it is mah god givan riaght ta defend mah title in purse-son. Nah thar ain’t nah-won ahn heaven or earth that will keep me from compete-in.”

Luther: “What the f*** did you just say?”

Moses just gives a shrug and looks at the paper again.

Moses: “I don’t really know. I mean that’s how it is written down here...”
===

bang bang bang bangbangbang the Deadly Outlaws signature gunshots echo out over the twang of a guitar. The Outlaw is visibly limping into the ring being flanked by the Lucha Assassin. Halfway to the ring the Outlaw stumbles and falls to one knee. Deadly Deadshot rushes over to help him up but the Outlaw waves him off. He struggles back to his feet by himself and the crowd claps as he makes his way to the ring. He even has trouble entering though and Deadshot has to hold open the ropes for him.

Meanwhile Otis and Sasquatch don’t even wait for their entrance music, lumbering down the ramp and going straight for the attack. Referee Jeffery doesn’t even have time to determine the legal man as the two big men start wailing on Deadshot and the Outlaw. Despite it being a tag team match with Outlaw’s injuries it’s basically a two on one. Deadshot stays agile, tripping up Otis and sending Sasquatch staggering with a drop kick but the two giants look at one another and then double clothesline Deadshot. While Otis starts putting the boots to Deadshot, Sasquatch whips the Outlaw into the corner. He hits the Outlaw with a big chop to the chest but frowns. The Outlaw’s shirt got in the way so he rips the shirt open to reveal that the Outlaw’s chest is all taped up like he has broken ribs.

Sasquatch just grins and taps his partner on the shoulder to point it out and the two men start beating down the Outlaw in the corner focusing heavily on those ribs. Otis is punching, Sasquatch is stomping and the Outlaw is being destroyed. Suddenly Deadshot sails through the air from the opposite turnbuckle and hits a big splash sending both giants over the ropes. Deadshot pulls his partner to his feet and tries to push him out of the ring but the Outlaw, barely able to walk at this point, shakes his head and points at the two giants recovering on the outside.

Deadshot (and a much slower Outlaw) sail through the ropes and tackle the giants on the outside of the ring. A fan hands Outlaw a chair and he starts dealing some serious damage to Otis while Deadshot is whipping Sasquatch into the steel barriers. Thanks to a steady stream of weapons handed out by fans the Deadly Outlaws keep the offense going and pummel the giants around the arena. Fans dive out of seats before the action circles back to the ring. Deadshot keeps Otis busy on the outside while the Outlaw rolls into the ring with Sasquatch. The Outlaw takes a second to pose over Sasquatch, firing off finger guns into the crowd bang bang before covering for the pin.

Sasquatch kicks out with authority however and gets to his feet. He punches the Outlaw again and again in the ribs causing the Outlaw to double over in pain putting him in the perfect position to be hit with a Running Big Boot. Sasquatch goes for the pin and Deadshot is too far away, blocked by the crowds themselves to get back in time to break up the pin. Canadian Hardcore finally win the titles they’ve been hunting so hard for this past year.

Anslem and Luther stand up and all three study the paper as the entrance music starts playing for the next match.
In a decent match, Canadian Hardcore defeated Deadly Outlaws in a Weapons match in 13:11 when Sasquatch McGraw pinned The Outlaw with a Running Big Boot. Canadian Hardcore win the IPW Tag Team Championship titles.
-Outlaw: E+, Deadshot: E+, Sasquatch: D-, Otis: E+, Deadshot off his game
Rating: D-

Vin Tanner condemns Azathoth. Darkwatch comes down
Rating: E+

In a bout that had great heat and decent wrestling, Hugh de Aske defeated James Diaz in a Tables match in 12:49 when James Diaz was put through a table. Hugh de Aske makes defence number three of the IPW Californian title.
-Hugh: D+, James: E+, James off his game
Rating: D

Fiasco Interviews Hugh
Rating: D+, Fiasco interacted well with crowd, Hugh improvised well

In a bout that had great heat and decent wrestling, Azathoth defeated Vin Tanner in a Coal Miner's Glove match in 5:40 by pinfall with a Nuclear Chaos.
-Azathoth: D-, Vin: D-
Rating: D

Pablo and Remmy taunt one another before the match
Rating: C, Remmy struggled off script, Pablo was superb


In an exceptional match, Pablo Rodriguez defeated Remmy Skye in a Ladder match in 14:32 when Pablo Rodriguez retrieved the item. Pablo Rodriguez makes defence number nine of the COTT World Heavyweight title.
-Remmy: C-, Pablo: C-, Pablo off his game
Rating: C


(Post Match)Zombie Boy pumps up crowd on their way out
Rating: D


Overall Rating: C-

This message was last edited by the GM at 04:16, Sun 07 June 2020.