Jone Pt 4: Smell Ya Later
Ledo and Tepha continued to meander and shop and enjoy themselves. There wasn't any rush to deliver the payment and Ledo had wanted to get Tepha in a good mood before steering the conversation to heavier topics. Tepha, however, beat him to the punch.
She was always more observant than people gave her credit for, Ledo including. While Silver was at home in a firefight and Rig was in his element in the engine room she was in her element in social settings. She could peg an upcoming heavy talk coming a mile away.
As the two paused in front of the charms she tugged on Ledo's arm and they stopped to look at the different images and designs.
"What do you think about something like that? We could get a matching pair?"
Ledo let out o noncommittal sound. His mind was a mile away.
"Or something to remember me by the next time you decide to sacrifice my life."
There was a seconds delay as Ledo's mind processed the sudden shift in tone. His face went pale and his eyes went wide as plates.
"No...no you don't...that's not what..."
She let out a laugh and elbowed him in the side.
"I'm kidding. I know it was all a trick. You were just throwing her off her game so you could storm in and rescue me. I know that."</purple.
Ledo started to talk but then locked his mouth shut just giving a small nod instead.
<purple>'I get it. That whole 'no negotiating with terrorists' bit was just a bluff. And a good one, I might add. If I didn't know any better I would have believed you too."
Ledo's stomach just kept falling. It felt like a pit had opened up inside of him and his insides were in free-fall. Tepha was looking at the charms and not at him as she spoke with complete confidence. Ledo was reminded of the psychology courses that he had taken about how honesty was the most fundamental building block in a relationship but he could not find it in him to correct her. She was so confident he wasn't even sure if he could convince her that he tried to sacrifice her. Fritz had actually been the one to save her. How could he tell Tepha that? As she continued to talk he ran through the scenarios and he just couldn't find an outcome where telling her he did condemn her to die would lead to anything positive.
He thought back to what he had talked to Breda. He had said their relationship was complicated but was it? Tepha still thought of him as this noble war hero leading her on a life of adventure and excitement but what did Tepha mean to him? He had mourned her but what did she really mean to him?
Tepha was continuing to talk and Ledo cast a glance down at her at his side. He thought back to when he had first met her. She was gorgeous, an entertainer dressed up and on the prowl to bag a wealthy husband or patron. Alcohol had played heavily into his decision to respond to her flirtations. it was just supposed to be a fling, a night of mindless ecstasy without any strings or complications attached. Something as a palate cleanser before sitting down and focusing on someone who made a lot more sense for him. Given his new social standing he should have himself angled for a member of nobility to seal his status in place. He should be married to some shrewd heiress and climbing the rungs of nobility yet here he was on some backward planet in the middle of nowhere with a dancer who was in complete denial about what she had experienced.
Ledo continued to comb through those memories. That first night with Tepha had been an amazing experience as expected and yet there was never a break. A single night turned into breakfast the next morning and then lunch and then reservations for dinner again. A second night, then a third and then it just seemed they were a couple. He had never stopped to put any thought or labels on it. One step had just lead naturally into the next and then the next and now here they were partners-in-crime. How had someone like him just let this happen?
He took a deep breath and suddenly felt trapped. A panic was tightening his chest as he suddenly feared that his decisions over the past couple of months were all terrible mistakes but now he was trapped. Trapped in debt, trapped with his crew, trapped with Tepha. Maybe that kiss for Breda wasn't just guilt or manipulation but a cry for help?
Ledo's breath started coming short and fast. Tepha was still talking and he couldn't handle it, or her anymore. He just needed something to stop her. Without waiting he marched into the shop, slapped some credits down on the table and picked out a random pair of charms.
Tepha tilted her head in confusion.
"Are...are you sure about this? This design?"
"Yes. Absolutely. This is what I want."
His voice wasn't that of a boyfriend but a commanding officer. His military training was kicking in and he was overcompensating for his feelings of doubt. It didn't matter how he felt, he could just order himself to like it. His logical mind tried its best to clamp down on these feelings of doubt. Tepha was young, smart, beautiful, resourceful, and a dynamo in bed. What else was there to discuss? He had landed a perfectly suitable mate and now they were earning incredible amounts of wealth with only minimal amounts of risk. Another smart decision. There was no reason to doubt anything. Everything he had done was the right decision. Period.
Anger crept over Ledo as he pulled Tepha from the store. She had fallen silent, unsure how to react to this sudden explosion of energy from Ledo. He wasn't angry at her though, he was angry at himself. He couldn't decide if it was because of his doubts or because of his decisions but it didn't matter. He needed to get moving, to find something to take his mind off of things. The best defense against doubt was distraction. He needed to throw himself into his work, into Tepha, into his ship. If he kept those doubts buried deep he might be lucky enough to forget that they ever existed.
Tepha had a number of questions but was smart enough to know that Ledo was no longer in the mood to discuss things anymore. She clutched onto the holographic charm and tried to use its presence to calm her own heart. Ledo was having a freakout and she couldn't help but wonder if it was because of her. Best to give him his space until this manic phase passed. The two of them marched in silence the rest of the way to Banks' drop off.