quote:
"I'm sorry, friend. Seems like I offended you after all. What I meant was you can't really tell who's a monster by lookin' at 'em."
Tidelan stared back, and did his best to listen to what the man said. It was all empty sentiments to him until the third last foreign word, spoken in a lazy tongue. He was worried somewhere beyond the conscious that if this man pushed, Tidelan would make a big mistake.
That third-to-last word though, it cleared up enough for Tidelan that he could hope he had assumed the man's intentions wrongly. If the man wasn't truly speaking of his appearance, but of what he knew he had been doing, and what he could do... then Tidelan should not be angered.
Still, the rage was not quick to vanish. He tried to bundle it up to suffocate it, but that just caused it to flare, much unlike a smothered bonfire, more like a captured beast.
He let enough of it go so that he could think clearly to respond. What came out of his mouth had a tone of fear, and he didn't realize until after he had spoken, "
You are correct."
The foreign man pushed back the memories that began to creep in. Not the time. Not the time. Not the time.
The man had begun to speak again. A perfect excuse for Tidelan to divert away from his own troubles to those of an other's.
quote:
"See, back home where I grew up, little Amalekian town nobody heard of until, well, you heard of the Butcher of Belvin? You know what he was known for before he got that name? Women would come from the city to buy his wares, but he wasn't sellin' nothin' special. They was just plain ol' shoes."
Tidelan listened carefully, and absorbed each word. The anger was gone now. Just sympathy. It wasn't patronizing, because in truth it was closer to empathy. Tidelan understood what the man was saying, and he felt it. But, his tone belied a whole other meaning to the words, but Tidelan did not push.
For, the genasi always did always respond in like if he could. The man had possibly went against his better judgement and apologized. That showed respect. Tidelan would show respect with him and acknowledge his pain but not pry. It would be cruel, and Tidelan was never cruel, only ruthless.
After all had been said Tidelan simply bowed his head, ever-so-slightly. It was a small concession, but those who knew the genasi knew how much it had cost him. Not only that, but it was greatly rare. The only ones in the settlement he had before conceded to were Lukas when he was Group Leader for the time.
It was different from his concession to Smith. That was automatic, but it wasn't respectful. Neither was it disrespectful. He did not spite Smith for his control, but he did not know him as a man well enough to bow. Not nearly.
He didn't fool himself to having known Lukas either, nor this fellow. As the man himself had said, and Tidelan had whole-heartedly agreed but with little enthusiasm, people were often not what they seemed. No, he had given a bow because the man had shown himself to be respectable in this moment, as had Lukas many times. If later, either faultered in a severe way, Tidelan would no longer bow for some time.
It may mean nothing to them, but he hoped it did. Because it mattered to him.
The one problem that Tidelan realized he still hadn't resolved internally was why he had been so upset at being called outwardly monstrous in such a way. He knew he was monstrous when he killed, and when he returned covered in blood. But this was a diplomatic mission. There may have been rumors, but still... was he truly--
No, he had solved that. The man had meant to harm, that was Tidelan's decided interpretation. Anything less generous would not allow him to continue with this show of faith. It would be a show of blood and foolishness instead.
So, he did not ask if the man had meant to call him hideous. Monsters would hideous, and Tidelan was not hideous. Still, he may be a monster...
Why did this matter to him? He wanted to believe that he cared about his outward appearance because it mattered to others, and therefore could be a tool for him to avoid victimhood...
But... he didn't believe that. Not yet. He hated to even consider it, but he had to do so, or he would not be deserving of his own wisdom... He hated to consider it... but...
Was Tidelan vain?
Tidelan stopped looking back and continued his march. Now, he was not hot with anger... but cold with dread. He could swallow this more easily... but it was a far worse emotion.