2.2 A Garden Behind Walls
Laila drew in Madam al-Saif’s attention with a tilt of her head, looking to supplement that introduction. She spoke with the familiarity of one well-versed in such social protocol. “Rashana is a dear friend of mine and quite possibly the finest engineer and artisan in all the realms. She and I forged Dawnbringer together” - a brush of her sword’s hilt - “and I count myself blessed to have such a thing at my side. To have someone like her at my side again.”
“But Shana, please” she gently chided, keen to buoy up her companion. “Whatever you’ve achieved in the Nexus, I had no part in it. I gave our people a moment of hope, yes, but you and the others have had to reassure and comfort them anew with each passing day. If anything I am indebted to all of you for carrying my share of that responsibility.” Laila leaned in a little closer and her voice gave way to absolute sincerity. “Please remember that what happened was my choice and the consequences mine alone to bear. We’ve both of us fought our own battles, and that I have a few more scars to show for mine makes your victories no less worthy. Be glad that I am here, not aggrieved that some small piece of me is not; be proud of yourself like I am proud of you.”
Point made, and one last meaningful look shared with Rashana, she smoothly moved on to the other inheritor with a lazy wave of her hand.
“As for Alavatter, he is a man of learning and wisdom. Though we spent little time together before our parting, I always welcomed his council and found his knowledge and guidance invaluable. I’m sure his mind has served our people well in this unfamiliar new world, for there is no-one I would sooner trust to unravel its mysteries and problems. I think he might have much to offer you here in the Garden.”
The work of introductions done, her smile and easy warmth held a moment before giving way to an expression altogether more pensive. A look passed between Laila and their host that carried something, some silent conversation, before she nodded, licked her lips and turned to her friends. Her arm drifted over to hold her left side. “So… to more serious matters: the Roads and my journey here.”
“When I chose to stay and hold the line I did so hoping more than just to play the martyr. Rashana had proven that thing could be hurt, and that was enough to assure me such a stand didn’t have to end in death. It was a stupid thing to tell myself – arrogance of the worst kind – but in that moment I let myself believe it: I could do what seemed impossible and save everyone, even me. The people would truly see that we were Anaya’s heirs, and they would cause to hope again.” She laughed but it was a bitter hollow thing. “And I called Joshua a fool...”
“We were far from equals, myself and the beast. Perhaps on more favourable ground we might have matched it had we all stood together, but we were in the Night and I was the one who stood alone while swarmed by its smaller kin. I held for … not long is all I can say. Minutes perhaps. Even then it felt like I was being toyed with rather than truly tested. Like my efforts were an amusement and nothing more, to be ended as soon as it grew tired of the show.” Laila brought her hand up to her left shoulder and lightly patted the remains of her arm. “This could have been my head had it wished it. It broke my guard, tore my arm from me, and just … left me there like I was nothing. And I don’t know why. It would have been so easy to kill me, and yet it didn’t.”
“I sealed my wounds as best I could, and for a time I stayed there at the gate. I expected something from the Night would scent my blood and come to finish me, but there was only the dark and the quiet. It was almost peaceful.” She gave Rashana an apologetic look, as if she knew better than to say what came to mind yet could not help herself. “After a while I did try the gate, if only to be sure. I knew there would be no answer, but …”
Laila’s voice trailed off into a sigh. It was wearing on her, picking at her scars. That these things needed to be voiced, to be aired so they might better heal, made the process no easier. All that brilliant excitement of reunion was running thin and in its absence she seemed much diminished. “In the end I chose to walk the Roads. I had been given a chance at life, and even if that meant travelling blind and helpless it was still the only choice worth making. I wanted to live and to see you all again. That was enough to keep me going through the pain and the exhaustion and the sheer loneliness of it all. I couldn’t give up knowing that if I had just pushed myself a little further I might have found a way home and justified every last agony.”
“It was sheer luck that I found the Garden, and even more so that they found me near-dead on the path. Kayla and her people worked miracles to see me well, and as if I did not have enough to thank them for, now they have brought us together too.” Laila laughed again, honestly this time, and shook her head in what could only have been disbelief. “After all that, to have the pieces fall back together so easily ... just unbelieveable.”