"What's a wedgie?"

Jarn does try to help the now dying Dia.


20:29, Today: Jarnbrautarlest rolled 12 using 1d20-1.  Untrained Heal.

Jarn whacks the necromancer a few times. He then picks Dia up and starts shaking him.

"Hey little buddy! You Ok!"
This message was last edited by the player at 02:33, Thu 07 Jan 2021.

As Jam shakes Dia's dieing body Robin desperately tries to wrap Dia up with scrap cloth and only manages to tie him to the murder bot.

11:23, Today: Robin rolled 8 using 1d20.  Don't know what I'm doing HEAL CHECK.

Olivia rolls her eyes and tries to help as well.  She carefully cuts the body free of Jarn but does not offer any support to the soon to be corpse as the carcass of Dia falls to the floor of the carriage with a sickening thwack as the head hits the bench of the carriage on the way down.  "I thought you had him.  Oops," she says with a sardonic tone.

Rather then the the sickening thud of Halfling flesh hitting wood the wrong way. You hear a 'bonk' as Día bounces off the wood with his head. Then he manages to stabilize and wake up on his own. I wonder why?
He gets up and looks around
"Thank you. Clearly all of you have been busy revivingme from the brink of death. Hold on while I fix myself up"

He then Channeles power from the Negative  Energy Plane. The Source of power for the Undead and the antithesis of all life. His hand is surrounded with black energy that drinks all light and The merest touch of his hand can snuff out the life of most mortal men... What the fuck? He touched himself with it. Is he suicidal? Is he crazy?...no. This actually helps him and he looks better from it. A black flash occurs every 6 seconds and it takes a little under 2 minutes for him to be fully  healed.
This message was last edited by the player at 06:34, Fri 22 Jan 2021.

Dia, thankfully, managed to roll the number he needed, which was 1 on a d10. Perhaps the Heir hasn't destroyed all of his fortune yet. So he recovers, no thanks to any of you, but since Olivia handled him last, she can get the credit for the deed.

Dia awakens, and the Darkest Deck is bound to him.

OOC: Dia, you may touch yourself to get your health back now. I know exactly how that sounds, too. I see you've already done that, and in front of everyone else, too.

You can't see much of what's going on from the coach. The carriage ride is getting rather bumpy, although Derrick's body remains secured. When asked, Bob offered an assurance that he was taking Derrick to a place that was perfect for people in his and Dia's medical conditions around here, without bringing up specifics.

What do the rest of you do?

Jarn takes a nap for the rest of the carriage trip.
This message was last edited by the player at 09:15, Fri 08 Jan 2021.

Olivia looks out the window and think about what she could draw on Derrick's face and body while he is mentally/spiritually out of the physical.

Now that no one onboard was currently dying, just one looking kinda dead, Robin decided this ride is too boring to suffer through sober. She whips out her everfull mug and takes a swig of the cheap ale option. The company wasn't necessarily bad as much as just quiet and she wasn't quite ready to be the one to open up discussion.

Dia sits down and enjoys the ride in the land of the living. Brushing off his close encounter with Death. He waits until the end of the ride with his own thoughts.

Robin's drink, and Dia and Olivia's musings are both interrupted by the carriage coming to a sudden and splintery stop. All four passengers miraculously crash into Jarnbrautarlest, whose metallic body cushions the impact before he himself is ejected from the cab, crashing to a restful stop not fifteen feet out. The Darkest Deck shakes in its casing, as everyone hopefully decides to stand up and get out of the wreckage rather than remaining there bemoaning their fates.

Jarn has yet to notice that he is not in a carriage, unless he wishes to know. Derrick has yet to notice much of anything, but is also fine, if in need of someone carrying him. Bob, of course, is gone, and so are the horses, because of course he is and of course they are. You are stranded on the roadside, and AAA doesn't service these parts. It is unfortunate, but you might need to walk to... The Hamlet.

Through... The Wild.

It's the beginning of the adventure, so of course you shouldn't die here. On purpose. And the odds shouldn't be too bad. What kind of hack writer kills his heroes during the tutorial? One that makes millions of dollars on a hit game series, that's who.

ZZZZZ..I Don't wanna!.ZZZZZ.

"Ugh! Jarn, do I smell motor oil?  Wake up.  I think you leaked a little in your sleep."  Olivia stands and brushes herself off and looks around a little to make sure there was not some horrible creature that caused the sudden turn of events.  Barring nothing immediate Olivia props up Derrick's body and sits on his hunched over form.

"So... do we think Bob is coming back or someone else is coming through so we can hitch a ride?"

Dia pulls himself out of the rubble of the carriage and dusts himself off.

Dia listens to something only he seems to hear and then comments
"Sure. Why not? It sounds like fun."
He draws three cards from the Darkest Deck and then puts them back.

He regards the others.
"It is possible that Bob comes back or someone else comes through. But I wouldn't count on it. We should start walking along the road. Let's get Jarn up. Any Ideas on how to do that?"
This message was last edited by the player at 19:35, Mon 11 Jan 2021.

Robin having stood up with everyone else, looks to the awake group, then to Jarn, then to what little remained in her mug and proceeds to pour it on the sleeping companion's face. "Alcohol is good for golems right?"

Jarn!............Jarnbrautarlest!! Welcome to BEERHALLA!!! Where all liquid is booze! Even the Rain!!

Jarn wakes up.

Awwwwwwww.

If someone had tracking, and none of you do, you would know that Bob ran off with the horses after the crash, mostly to see who he can get to help out here. But you don't have tracking, so none of you know that, even though I just explained it.

Beerhalla is part of Pandermallamania, but seeing it in one's dreams is not unheard of. It's canon now, deal with it. Also, Dia only drew one card, but it was the one he want- I believe my description in my thread says they draw three and pick one if I like them.

That... is a descriptive effect, and always has been, and is not something I am making up to cover for the rule that you can only allow one drawing per day and no more. Rules as written, bud- LOOK OUT DISTRACTION KOBOLDS ARE ATTACKING HOW CONVENIENT!

Yes, it turns out that while Robin was initiating Jarnbrautarlest into the ways of the fraternity, four kobolds have shown up from out of the treeline salvaging the wreckage, and they look like they were not expecting anyone else to be here or alive, nor do they seem particularly sure if they should be staying here or not.

The sun is setting, and I totally think you should dispatch these thugs in a brutal fashion, so that all may know of your arrival. Just roll initiative if that is what you want to do.

By the way, do any of you, perchance, speak Draconic? Let me know either PM or OOC - either will do.

Olivia looks around distracted by some kobolds who were interrupting her confusion.  She cursed a few words in Draconic with the rough translation of, "wipe the shit off my wings..." and ".. puke up gold just to have something to..."  She wasn't entirely sure why the dragons said such things, but knew them to be ripe.

Without shifting off of Derrick's back Olivia casts magic missile.  Two balls of raw energy strike out at 1 kobold (10 dmg) while another single ball hits a second kobold (5 dmg).

"I don't like to be bothered by lesser creatures, can someone take care of them?" Olivia gestures towards the kobolds with a dismissive wave of her hand.



16:07, Today: Olivia Satterwhite rolled 12 using 1d20+1 ((11)). INITIATIVE
22:26, Today: Olivia Satterwhite rolled 10 using 2d4+2 ((4,4)).
22:27, Today: Olivia Satterwhite rolled 5 using 1d4+1 ((4)).

Edit: Apologies, I completely forgot the initiative.  I already had the drop on 'em in my mind.
This message was last edited by the player at 21:09, Tue 12 Jan 2021.

Día de Muertos walks up to the Kobolds with a far too wide Grin.

"Go Now. Before I Kill You and then force your Corpses to serve as cannon fodder for my amusement."
This message was last edited by the player at 14:54, Tue 12 Jan 2021.

"Hm, just like living on the Cardinal but with less swaying." in a tone of bemusement. As Olivia and to an extent Dia open hostilities with the Kobolds. She picked a Kobold and should the group decide to stay and fight he would die first. She then moved to a good position to intercept her chosen target with out needing to charge.

14:43, Today: Robin rolled 12 using 1d20+9.  initiative.
Robin does speak Draconic
For now she is holding action until the Kobolds have responded to Dia.

20:51, Today: Jarnbrautarlest rolled 21 using 1d20+1.  Initiative.

Jarn gets up and immediately bull rushes the nearest Kabold aiming to slam him in the nearest tree.

20:58, Today: Jarnbrautarlest rolled 15 using 1d20+2.  Bull Rush.
20:59, Today: Jarnbrautarlest rolled 25 using 1d20+8.  Strength Check.

"CHOOO! CHOOO!!"
This message was last edited by the player at 03:00, Wed 13 Jan 2021.

Well, as it turns out, Dia makes his ridiculous appeal and is taken utterly seriously. While they are debating mentally the merits of leaving immediately, Jarnbrautarlest charges at them, and while he misses due to range, much of the wreckage is no longer at the site of the wreckage. The moment the kobolds decide it is in their wisdom to leave, at that point Olivia apparently decided that more aggressive negotiative tactics were in order, and attacked both them and the darkness around them.

It turns out that the darkness gets better, but kobolds do not, as two of them die immediately from being shot. "YIP! YIP! YIP!"In the kobold dialect of Draconic, this means "We should relocate ourselves to a safer area immediately."

Because the threshold of odds has dropped below even numbers, they flee into the woods, one of them provoking from Jarnbrautarlest - and since his attack didn't reach them, he has requested that fate transfer the failed touch attack into a real one, and Fate is feeling generous after hexing him. So, one spiked fist later, and while two of them make it to the woods, only one of them makes it in a state that allows them to continue their momentum.

As it turns out, there is a note in the wreckage:

My inconvenienced passengers,

This happens quite a bit with me, but never fear. I am getting help. Just stay tight, and I'll recover your bodies and give you a decent burial.

To the kobolds in the woods coming across this, Yip Yip Yip, Yip Yip. (This line translates to, "Please do not eat the corpses, I hope you understand.")

Anyways, your ghostly forms reading this will feel a sense of denial about being dead, but never fear. I shall return in the safety of the sunlight with reinforcements, and put you all to rest. I shall serve the family one final time, Heir, and I will collect the Deck and await the return of the next one.

Sincerely,
Bob

...I swear, Bob, you are as useless now as you were when you worked for me. Seriously, all of you should head to town on foot, now devoid of horses and carriage, but up three each of small spears, slings, bags of rocks, and tiny suits of leather armor, if you want them all. I'll give some evocative description, in fact, to motivate you to describe how you are going to pack up, move out, and hopefully have the sense to tell me what order you are marching in.

Oh, and tell me who is carrying Derrick. He matters, too, I guess. Ahem...

The woods ominously tower beside the winding, serpentine path to The Hamlet, and the setting sun makes it clear you have little time remaining.

Jarn grabs Derrick and notices Bob's note.

"How the hell did Bob write this so fast?"

Dia Stares at the fleeing Kobold and Sends a mental command.

Día looks dismissively at the leather armor of the Kobolds, sighs, comments "It's better than nothing" and the takes a suit of leather armor off one of them. He then slips into the armor. He picks up a spear to use as a walking stick.

"Anything else we need to grab before we go on?"

Olivia hops off of Derrick's back as Jarn scoops him up easily.  She hangs Derrick's Backpack around Derrick's head, cinching it off so as not to loose it.  Grabbing her own pack Olivia moves along side of Jarn to stay close to Derrick's body.

"So, Dia, talk to kobolds often?" Olivia eyes the darkening woods.

Dia seems cheerful despite all that things that have happened.

"Not really, Just wanted to scare them off. Or at least scare then till they're too stupid to act. That One that got away won't bother us anymore.

never Learned Draconic. What where they saying?"