Master of Games:
Are we keeping the idea of her having an ATLAS probation officer?
Also, is Serpiente independent now (former ally)? Or is that unclear?
Funnily enough both of these things were addressed in the WIP but didn't end up in the version posted here because I either changed my direction or just didn't feel confident in what I was saying/how it was being said.
Absolutely keeping the ATLAS probation officer. In the earlier version I had her down as wearing a tag and possibly having travel restrictions or a curfew, but at that point it felt like I was introducing elements that could make telling stories more difficult/awkward depending on the direction the game took and I decided to keep any of that out of the
to the point summary.
Serpiente is like ... semi-independent. They're still part of the Network but sufficiently removed from its main powerbase (by distance and focus) that
La Reyna allows an extremely loose leash so long as her own people are left alone to conduct their business and any aggression from
Serpiente's people doesn't bring too much heat down of the organisation as a whole. As we talked about behind the scenes
La Reyna has her eyes on New Atlantis, and when you're planning on expanding westward an ally who already holds territory in the west and isn't afraid to get their hands (extremely) dirty is a valuable asset indeed.
In earlier drafts I had Artiana attached to
Serpiente's people during the big schism within the Corsair Network but it all became very messy and I wasn't sure how I was going to bring everything together in the end. I had to let some of the things I'd originally written/planned for that angle go because it felt like it was really coming to dominate the focus of things and pull the character away from what I wanted.
PSinha:
This is very well put together. There are so many active characters added to the world too! Nice one.
Thanks!
I'm an overthinker (and I mean that in a negative sense) so when I get stuck I tend to either give up completely or re-iterate the same things
over and over again in the hope that eventually I'll find more momentum and actually finish them, and at least some of the time that means the end product is pretty detail-dense once it's refined and cut down to size. The previous draft of this is excessively long; it went the best part of 1,000 words without even reaching the first mention of
Serpiente XD
Note: I'm in no way suggesting the previous version was better. It's full of padding and fluff details that absolutely don't need to be here.
This message was last edited by the player at 11:41, Sun 01 Aug 2021.