This article appears on every table of the YP Tavern, fresh ink on pressed gray paper, still smelling of glue. Expense was spared by not bleaching the pages.

Cloaker Lords! Otherworldly Beings Secretly Controlling Undermountain!

This just in ladies and gentlemen, the Crier exploration team has made their first step in Undermountain. And let me tell you, at first, it was like it we were heading to the Nine Hell's with all that moaning. I suspected that the crystals surrounding us was the source, they were some sort of communication device for some otherworldly entity, and I was right on the money when those pair of Cloaker Lords appeared before. It was an epic fight, and we survived with only one casualty. May the kobold warlock rest his soul for the sacrifice he made for the group. (See Page 20 next to the "Yawning Portal" ad for more information)

Breaking News! Murder at Undermountain! Waterdeep Factions Maybe Responsible!
On our next trek of adventure, the team discovered a most heinous aftermath. I halfling was found dead in a room. Through my brilliant deductions, I found out that he was electrocuted several times and he was a Zhent. This lead to believe that their was some sort of faction war happening behind the scenes. This theory now holds water as the team went to a portal were time moves faster for others, during that time, we've discovered symbols of the Zhents and the Xanathat Guild. What could this mean, is this a partnership of have we found signs of a hated rivalry? Hopefully we don't stumble into this faction war, one team member says. (See Page 5 next to "Is Drinking Too Much Potions Bad?" section to read continuation and conclusion that a secret conspiracy is involved)
This message was last edited by the player at 23:10, Fri 19 Nov 2021.

Demonic Cult in Undermountain! Could It Be a Psionic Cult! Are The Fabled Mystics Involved! (Keep On Reading To Find Out)

Ladies and gents, for all ages, we've some issue. One of our warlock comrades just got cut off from his patron deal. It seems he'll be a powerless chump for the rest of his life, have you ever suffer from megalomania-itis? It's a serious issue I assure you, we even have a doctorate in this company that can verify. My friend is currently suffering from the first stages of megalomania-itis, if your powerless friend is suddenly helping your greatest enemies with construction work than theirs seriously something wrong with them (Turn to Page 4 for more info)

But speaking of demonic patrons, we've also unearthed some evidence of demonic cult activity. We are doing the usual dungeon slog and fighting the usual dungeon enemies, when meet, oh horror of horrors, a demonic statue laying in wait in a non-descript room. During our investigation, we've discovered it's some sort of idol of worship to an evil cult. Also, if we were to put something alive in its maw, something might happen. What would happen? Could this cult be a bunch of psions, could the Fabled order of Mystics somehow be involved (Turn To Page 8 for more information of whether your friends are psychics or just retarded)

Bugbear Suicide March! Is This Going To Lead The Extinction of All Bugbears, Keep Reading!

Tragedy has struck today in Undermountain, my adventuring team has travelled deeper than ever before, but we were soon set up in a deadly trap. Most of our main fighting force we're knocked out by gas, it was only me and Miss Andromeda against a horde of monstrous Bugbears. However, the tragedy is not on us but to the horde as they march straight through a wall of fire conjured by Miss Andromeda to keep them at by. I shall transcribe to you their last words before a crispy death.

The first one puffs out his chest.

“These flames wont hurt me!” runs through. dies.

The second guy puffs his chest out a bit farther.

“Okay, those flames killed that guy but they wont hurt me!” runs through. dies.

The third just tsk tsks. "Hmm, those fools were dressed too warmly for the heat!"  *strips down to underwear and runs through fire... dies*

A voice calls out from the other side of the pile of burning bugbear bodies. “This day, I shall be called Balho, the Unburning!"

The last words of Balho the Everburning and Screaming.

"Maybe running into fire is not a good plan...  What if we go around to other side, or wait one minute for spell to end?"

 "Weak little COWARD!  Stop talking and GO!"  *pushes smart bugbear into fire and follows, both die*

“Malko!" dives in after his little brother who is burning alive.

Unfortunate that this could all have been avoided if they just waited. Is this a sign that Bugbears are going to be extinct? Does your Bugbear companion have suicidal tendencies?(Turn To Page 3 of Bugbear Mentally and How You Can Save This Endangered Species)
This message was last edited by the player at 07:51, Thu 14 Apr 2022.

Egads! Garrux, Master of Ale and Provisions, and The Brewer Society Secretly Adds Something Alien In Their Brew!

Ladies and gents, I report to you our most latest of news, the Dragonstar Syndicate ( as they recently decided to call themselves for the Dragonbowl World Cup Tournament, more on that in our supplementary magazine of Dragonbowl Magazine, sponsored by the Xanathar Guild, more on that in page 5), the team has recently discovered a most heinous conspiracy. Ever heard of Garrux, famous member of the brewer society, well it turns out that the brew that you've been dragon might not be safe at all. To all dwarven parents at home or at taverns, I advise that if you ever had your child drink from the Brewer Society, be warned for the expeditionary team has recently discover that the drinks that the society has provided may have something that could pose a dire threat to your bodily functions. Tell me, have you heard of aberrations like the creatures appearing in your sewers and eating your wastes. That is what's being made in the Brewer Society, we found a very gross and disgusting beholder. If you tell, that beholder looked very much like it came from the sewers itself with its dead eyes and awful stench. I advise you, if you ever decided to have a drink from the Brewer's Society, drink at your peril. (We have a doctor that can tell you what would happen to your body if you ever ate an aberration. Their are also a list of symptoms for your ease to access at page 10)

Body Swap Mayhem! Do I Hear the Ballad of Star-Crossed Lovers!

Ladies and gentlemen, do I have a scoop for you for any interested in a little bit of romance. The expeditionary team as scene in the front page has recently triggered a most heinous of traps that boggles the mind. Body Swapping! Which gets us to our first question, has your friend ever had their soul ripped out and possessed by some outer planar being, a ghost, a simple accidental wild surge mishaps or as described in this story, done in by a wizard's trap, well look no further for our possession expert (who is also a succubus, we at Crier Press are a diverse group whether your an otherworldly evil or a being that cannot be comprehended in this dimension, we accept you), she'll tell you the symptoms and the tell-tale signs that your friends have been possessed which can be found at page 6. Now on to the report, my good friends Miss Andromeda and Mister Televentor have seemed to had their bodies swap. It was a convoluted scenario but easily solved, yet during that entire scene, the two body swappers have developed a grand affection toward each other. They have seen each other by their viewpoints and some might say that Mister Televentor had his eyes on her when they first met but I digress. I even have photographed evidence (made by our far traveler gnome from a strange world called Eberron, learn more of this other world in page 3) of the two eying each other as we made our way out from the depths of the portal, as scene in the front cover of this paper. However, as our most scaliest of kobolds, Onyxclaw stated, "Fleshies confusing", and I agree with you my friend, right now their flame is a meek little spark instead of a burning passion. I asked you readers to cheer on our star-crossed lovers, cheer them on. Also, we have a new team on our hands, introducing the famous archaeologist Roxanne Drubble. More on her and her famous brother in page 8.

Theater Troupe Catastrophe! Are You A Vamp Too!
Ladies, gents, non-binaries and otherworldly beings from the fifth dimension, I will report to you our most recent news. The Dragonstar Syndicate has done it again and caused another groundbreaking incident in your very own Undermountain. We have stumbled upon what we believed to be undergraduate bardic students from one of Waterdeep's notorious colleges starting a play, a play they rope us into. But not just any play, but one of Ravenloft, starring infamous Strahd Von Zarovich himself, (Turn to Page 666 to find out the Darklord's backstory and his current whereabouts after so-called adventurers claim they slayed the Count (turn to page 3 for more info on that)), unfortunately the Count himself could not be here, for remember folks that these were simply students. The play they gave us was pretty much mediocre, but I'm no critic. I'm here to give you the big scoop of a lifetime. And ladies, gents, and beings that we can't possibly comprehend from our meager existence, do we have a story for you today. The theater troupe mentioned above was not just any ordinary college students, but in actuality blood sucking vampires. The Syndicate had an epic battle with these army of the living dead, but they survived unscathed if only slightly bruised, (If your wondering ways to fight a vampire, our Planeswalker specialist had made an interview with a younger version of famed Vampire and Monster Hunter Van Richten, read on at page 10). They're, the Syndicate now rests and recuperates from our long hard battle. However, you're probably wondering what made these teens go feral, is it the curse of vampirism, the rush of bleeding out the life force of your victim, or is there some other malevolent force pulling the strings? It's a mystery, but continue to read on through this paper and maybe you can help prevent this danger from happening to your loved ones, maybe even stop this danger from intruding on your livelihood.


Plant Talk By Cygnus
Oh boy folks, do we have something special for you today, now. We have our very own special interview from one of Dragonstar Syndicate's most valuable member. Give out an imaginary applause to Cygnus the Lily Sprout Plant. He'll provide some answers that I bet you were all dying to hear.

"Hey, the name is Cygnus, I was just born sort of like yesterday and man, you have no idea the nagging I go through with my days. Especially from my mom, Cygnus this, Cygnus that, non-stop for every hour."

Ugh, that's nice but I haven't asked you any questions yet.

"Right, right, just needed to vent. What was the question again."

How's life as a plant?

"It's cool I guess, nothing much to do but grow. I get a lot of water daily, but nothing much goes on for me."

Interesting, do you want a life that isn't a plant, like being a human?

"No way, being a human seems like a drag. Especially if I get to have problems like my mom's. They're so annoying, she talks to me about her problems all the time like, oh woe is me I've been betrayed, oh how worrying, I'm not sure I like killing people. And it goes on and on, it gets gross when she gets smoochy on some other fleshbag, like Mister Televentor. I don't like that guy."

Hmm, I see, I'm going to save this topic, and this drama, for another time. For now, what do you think of the Syndicate's survivability in Undermountain.

"Psh, I don't know, I haven't seen much of anything. But I think you're all cool, so I'd say a 50/50 chance of survival. I think the small one is gonna die first if you get my drift."

Ah, that's not at all encouraging, but I think you've heard it all here folks. The Syndicate are pretty cool people with a 50/50 chance of actually surviving the Gauntlet that is Undermountain. Keep on reading for more information on the upcoming tournament. Also, if you have a rebellious talking plant, turn to page 7 for more information on such behaviors and find tips and tricks on how to get your plant child under control.