The Tombstone Epitaph
Welcome, friends, to the pages of the Tombstone Epitaph, the greatest publication on both sides of the Mason-Dixon line. My name is Lacy O'Malley, your erstwhile investigator and humble reporter.

Many scoff at the bizarre tales we expound here in the pages of the Epitaph -- stories more "distinguished" papers refuse to print. But experienced travelers know our reports are amazingly accurate, paranormally insightful, and uniquely designed to save the lives of those who venture into the often dangerous locales of the frontier.

But many are only learning the dark truths about our fair continent and the mysterious things that crawl upon it. They have yet to feel sinister eyes upon them as they move through the back alleys of Dodge City. They have not witnessed the awesome power, or the frightening intelligence of the rattlers. Nor have they heard the rustling grass of the High Plains as some feral creature stalks its prey.

It is our mission to educate, entertain, and ultimately inform those who would be otherwise harmed by such ignorance. We are your beacon of light in the darkness, and it is our hope to provide you with the information you must know to survive here in the West.

Good luck in your travels, and Godspeed. The Good Lord knows our cemeteries are full of those of you who have come before. Perhaps some tidbit here will save you from this dire fate.