"Hey there, hi there, ho there, kiddies! I am, is, and be your host for the evening, the one, the only Doc Moppum! Shall we have a perfectly cromulent time tonight? Indubitably! So if you would kindly stop your screaming...there's a good lad! Now, Onward! Excelsior!"

Looks like what you'd get if The White Rabbit mugged The Cat In The Hat, knocked over a pawn shop, then smoked enough meth to make Walter White jealous.